Just Tryna Live

I grew up alone.

Ain’ had nobody to play Uno

or Monopoly with. My old friends

asked me to play once.

When I was seventeen. Think

I won a game that night too.

It was real fun. At least until

we collided with one of them semi-trailer trucks.

Matt and Kayla ain’ make it that night.

Them is still seventeen, while I’m twenty.

Twenty, livin’ in a shitty,

run-down apartment in a shitty,

scum-filled town, survivin’ off ramen and

mayo n’ cheese sandwiches ‘cus them

filthy corporate bastards needed to

“cut costs”. Business ain’ working

out for me so I’m thinkin’ of becoming a waitress

again. The tips were good since I’m a pretty lil’ thang.

Sometimes I’d make extra, you know,

by jerking a few guys off in the parking lot or somethin’.

One time I did it so good, the fella

tipped me three hunnid dollar bills.

Gotta make a livin’ somehow. That’s how mama raised me.

But, I’m still a lady of virtue. I don’t show

my silhouette to any horny piece of trash

I meet at the bar. Howeva, this one time,

I bagged a white man who had the hots for blackies.

Treated me to anythin’ I wanted the whole ‘tire night.

So, I let him sample the goods, and boy was it good.

That white man had the wits to make a

girl see Christ and shout in tongues. I mean,

that colorless fella had me askin’ God to fo’give

me for that unholy revelation I got

while lyin’ with him. Wasted no time

in church the next mornin’, downin’ that

communion like it was ma last supper too.

He be callin’ me sometimes. Said he lookin’

to make me his wife. I ain’ stupid tho’.

I know he can’t love somebody like me for real.

Nobody can.